Oct
06

Teen Mom Recap: Amber Meets Prince Charming at “Wally.”

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: teen mom recap

Amber - It’s shocking to me that Gary isn’t at Amber’s House of Horror yet and they haven’t smoothed things over as they typically do after their major blowouts. Therefore Gary is staying at is brothers apartment. Why do “the poors” always call it an apartment when clearly it is Section 8 Housing and Foreclosure? Also, Gary is telling tall tales again because he’s informing his brother that in just one week he’s lost his girl, lost his home, and…wait for it…wait for it….lost 30 pounds. Really Gar? 30? Lofty. Even his brother giggles like a school girl who was just passed an origami note in 5th period math. It’s like, Gary you may have lost about 3 pounds but that’s mainly because you removed the emergency ring-dings from your pockets and the Oreos you inserted into your penny loafers instead of coins. Just a guess…an educated-more-than-likely-guess. Moving on. I love how Amber’s cousin is named Krystal, just like Roseanne’s friend was named Crystal. Looks like my Vision Board is basically sprouting to life (just like Gary’s “almost there” D-cup). Amber lets Krystal know that she has a date with someone that she met at (no surprise) Walmart. Yes, Walmart. I think everyone should find their life-mate at a place where you can buy eggs, a rake, a back-up generator, shirts, a lamp, X-box, and your Christmas tree. Makes sense. Speaking of Amber because, well, this is her recap section, we also learn that she hasn’t seen Leah is 4-days. 4 days? If she hasn’t been responsible for Leah or Gary in 4 days why is her house still a rotten mess? Perhaps she’s getting her application video ready for Hoarders? After Amber speaks with Gary over the phone and apologizes like she has been court-ordered without any emotion, Gary comes back over to the house with Leah. Lucky for us Gar Gar is wearing his uniform which is, of course, his Aeropostale t-shirt and white plaid short (which are more than likely just pants that he’s outgrown). Amber breaks up with Gary right then and there and lets him know that she met someone at, and I quote, “Wally.” Apparently “Wally” is WT-speak for Walmart. Dear God what am I watching?! Later Gary is back at his brothers laying down, as best he can, on one couch and playing the guitar while is lady caller, who I can only assume is Marla Hooch from the Rockford Peaches, sits on the couch and may be trying to (puke) make a move (burp) on “Down 30 Pounds Gary” or “D3PG” for short. Later, Gary ends up going to a “flower shop” to buy Amber some well deserved flowers. The flower shop has cinderblocks for walls (just like Gar’s brothers “apartment”) and the lady behind the counter asks him what kind of flowers he’s looking for and then she suggests “great big flowers.” Um, yes. I would please like to order 1 dozen “great big flowers.” As he’s in the middle of purchasing from this crack house, Amber calls him to see if he can watch Leah so that Amber can go out and “sexy dance” with her new boyfriend in aisle 17 at Walmart. Don’t fret, however, because she does make sure to yell, swear, and scream at Gary over the phone as well. Actually, maybe the 30 pounds that Gary lost was in his balls? The poor guy. He cries the whole way over to Amber’s house to pick up Leah. I’d cry if Amber punched off my balls too. Now it’s time for Amber’s date with Chris. Buckle up, kids, because it ain’t (ai-not) pretty. She has to pick him up and wait for him while he gets changed next to the side of a building. They end up going for dinner at a place named “Three Pigs.” Yum. I hope dinner comes with a tetanus shot for dessert. Here we learn that Chris served some time in some form of jail and that the best day of his life was the day when he saw Amber walking out of Walmart. They end their date with disgusting and embarrassing Eskimo kisses at the table. Also, there is no doubt in my mind that he will kill both Amber and Leah and use Leah as a stuffed-animal drug mule on international flights. Ole! Later funeral flowers show up at Amber’s house and are delivered by two kids who are about 9-years old. Seriously, what kind of flower shop is this?! Oh, they’re the kind that spells “recently’ wrong on the message card. I believe they spelled it “reacently.” Yowza with this. In the end, Gary heads back over to Amber’s to apologize to her yet again (which I still don’t understand why) and wants to end his apology with a hug to which Amber replies, “Don’t touch me, Gary.” As Gary starts to get up, heart-broken, Amber tells him that she’s dating. She’s such a miserable B. Gary literally (tries) to run out of the house and Leah is left crying at the door. This is the most depressing episode of Teen Mom ever.

Maci - It’s vacation time for Maci and so, lucky for us, her hot friend Taylor is at the pool with Bint-Lee, Kyle, and Maci. Seriously she should be a regular cast member on this show. Also, she should show Kyle what a vag looks like that hasn’t been under attack yet by a newborn. No? Just me? Moving on. Bint-Lee is getting potty-trained on national television. I’m sure he’ll be thankful for that in about 15 years. Why do I have a feeling that Maci places a picture of Ryan at the bottom of the toilet so that Bint-Lee can practice his aim? Also, does Maci change her hair color in every single episode? This time around I believe the color is “Lohan Firecrotch Burn Red.” We also learn that Kyle works a lot and that Maci is very lonely in Nashvegas without her family and friends. Yawn. Maci has hardly any screen-time in this episode. She better get trashy and get trashy fast if she wants to make it to Teen Mom Season 3. Later, Maci drives to “Chat” to drop Bint-Lee off with Ryan and she heads back to “Nash” so she can spend time with Kyle and figure out his percentage of albino, his percentage of deceased bulldog, and his percentage of cartoon, but Kyle tells Maci that he’s really tired and there isn’t anything he can do for her. She wonders if she made a mistake moving to Nashville. Uh, ya think?! Now if we can just get our hands on an old home video VHS of Ryan stepping in to take Maci to the prom when Chip is late, only to discover that Chip makes it on time to take her and Ryan is left standing on the stairs in his dad’s tuxedo with flowers in his hand, devastated, then maybe my whole Maci/Ryan/Ross/Rachel scenario can come true. Just me? Next. In the end Kyle finally ends up coming over to Maci’s empty house and they basically end up breaking up because Kyle thinks that all this was too much too soon. Time to look into breaking your lease, Maci. So pack up Bint-Lee and maybe if Ryan isn’t too busy yawning you two can get back together. Maci’s friends end up coming over to comfort her and Maci admits how lonely her life is. It’s sad, really. This is the most depressing episode of Teen Mom ever.

Farrah - We kick things off with Farrah getting her DNA results and, like Maury would say, “Derrick, you are the father.” This is a big day for Teen Mom since Farrah ends up giving a big hug to the DNA worker (yet she can’t even hug Debra) and then seconds later Farrah’s lawyer, John Jacob Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, is sporting a button-down shirt instead of a t-shirt. I mean, sure it’s short-sleeves like Detective Sipowitz would wear, but still. Also, how come Farrah’s results of the DNA were 99.6% and not 100%? Does the .04% mean that some fell out of her nasty boom boom or maybe he gave her a facial? Test her face, no? I bet that’s where you’ll fine the .04% that’s missing. I also have no idea how this works or what the hell I’m talking about for that matter. Farrah ends up meeting up with Kassy, which ends up being such a downer because all they do is cry, but on the flip side Farrah is showing Kassy her “ugly cry” so that’s always a plus. Later, she tells Debra about the results of the DNA test. Why doesn’t Debra ever wear makeup? It’s like, we saw your Who-ville mug shot, Debo, put on some lipstick and maybe some product for your hair. At least try to look pretty for me…your #1 fan! Debra tells Farrah that she (Farrah) is too busy to meet up with Kassy once per month. I’m sure if her words didn’t convince Farrah those shiny butcher knives conveniently placed on the kitchen counter in the background may do a little convincing. The “next day” Farrah and Debra head back to therapy and Debra informs the therapist and all of America that when Farrah found out she was pregnant she wanted to have and abortion, but Debra convinced her (i.e knives) otherwise. She could have just used the trash-claw on her instead of the actual abortion, no? Gross and “yes” all at the same time. They talk about Farrah still grieving for Sophia’s dad and the therapist informs Debra that she’s trying to talk Farrah out of grieving. Debra says that she now understand why Farrah is so upset and Farrah just sits there doing her “ugly cry” while Debra looks the other way. It’s like, get up and go hug your daughter you damn robot! In the end, Farrah takes Sophia on a little boat cruise around a lake just like she took with Sophia’s dad in the past. She wanted Sophia to experience that too. Seriously, this is the most depressing episode of Teen Mom ever.

Catelynn – Seriously the adoption chick, Dawn, get more air-time on Teen Mom than Maci does and also she calls Catelynn more than April does. She surprises them that Carly’s parents want to meet up with both Catelynn and Tyler. They actually want to take them away to…West Virginia. They made it seem like West Virginia was the Virgin Islands and they just won it on the Showcase Showdown (which April and Butch totally should try to get on, by the way). I’m happy for them though. However, more importantly, how are Catelynn and Tyler deciding to dress these days? Where are they getting these ideas from? My idea is Spencer Pratt and Punky Brewster. Later Catelynn calls up April on the phone and (gulp) April is completely pissed off that she’s talking to her about Carly on the phone and not in person. Next up, April comes barreling up the dirt-road driveway (no joke) in her BMW (please) like she’s friggin’ on Dukes of Hazard, throws it in park, comes into the house looking like a ferel cat suffering from Fibromyalgia, and just say “f*ck” as she walks past Catelynn in the kitchen. She’s such a ray of sunshine. April gets right on the computer so she can probably check her AOL account to see if anyone from her Meth4Men chatroom sent her an email. Catelynn lets April know that she’s nervous about seeing Carly because she doesn’t think Carly will remember her, to which April replies “Of course she ain’t gonna remember you. She hasn’t seen you in over a year.” What a big B. April must have been brought up living in a cardboard box under the basement stairs. I mean, for Harry Potter it works and brings happiness and magic to his life, but for April is brings gas and attitude. Gas and attitude happens to be the new piss and vinegar, as I understand it. Catelynn ends up crying in her car. Seriously, this poor girl. It’s like she doesn’t have a fighting chance. Why can’t Oprah adopt her? That’s it, I’m starting up a fund for Catelynn. Hang in there, kid. Also, is now the wrong time for me to ask if she can just get her braces off? It isn’t the wrong time? Oh, great thanks! While I’m at it, I might as well ask her to consider sprouting bangs. It will help. The “next day” April brings Catelynn an outfit that she bought Carly (meth binge purchase) and they start having a good conversation about their relationship. Here we learn that April is pissed because she was never told that Catelynn was going to give up the baby for adoption and April already told everyone and started buying the baby things so she felt stupid. More importantly, we learn that if Catelynn kept the baby she was going to name her after April. She was going to name the baby “Bitch?” That’s strange. They then end up fighting, per usual, and April says some really hurtful things to Catelynn. How Catelynn stays so level-headed and calm during these situations is beyond me. April storms out of the room and the last thing she says to her is, “Have fun on your f*cking trip” and then slams the door. Catelynn is left to have to leave her room and apologize to her mom (for no reason) and tell her that she loves her and won’t give up on their relationship. What a sin. This is the most depressing episode of Teen Mom ever. Join Me on Facebook!

52 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

Ashley in NC Said,
I agree, that episode was really depressing. I think they’re getting progressively worse. Poor Catelynn… I just want to give her a big hug!
Anji Said,
All I could think is how that outfit April bought for Carly will REEK like nasty smoke. Brandon and Teresa surely cringe every time they see the family that baby sprouted from. So glad Catelynn and Tyler made the choice for adoption. I was a little surprised Kyle didn’t even put up a fight over the break up…he seemed so ready to cut Maci loose. She should have never left her stable support network anyway, but that’s a lesson she had to learn on her own.
sara Said,
Totallly agree, most depressing Teen Mom ever. However, the one shining moment was meeting our new cast member, “Chris.” You met him at Wal-mart AND he used to be in jail…score!! Now, if April was Amber’s mom this show would make sense. Poor Catelynn.
MK Said,
Can we talk about Maci’s HORRIFIC self tanner application on her wrists and underarms?! During the breakup scene. Ugh. Oh and I secretly want Ryan and Maci to get back together.
Pam Said,
John Jacob Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, I have to LOL at that, I have been calling him that for weeks.
Painful to watch Said,
Where are Debra’s eyelashes? Did she lose them in a trash claw accident or something?
Bobbi Said,
WTH am I going to do after next week’s finale?!?
J Said,
Please tell me you will be blogging 16 & Pregnant.
Katie Said,
I will admit that I was disappointed…in watching the episode last night, the Wally World serial killer that Amber when on a date with said that #1, he had been in jail, which he tried to make look like Disneyland by saying it was work release and #2, he kissed her and said “Perfect” and Amber responded, “Not quite.” UGH! I thought for sure you would mention that!! However, you totally redeemed yourself with the reference to Ross/Chip/Rachel and saying that Gary’s brother’s girlfriend looked like Marla Hooch!!! SHE TOTALLY DID!!!
P.S. MK….I totally saw that self-tanner issue and thought I was just seeing things!! I am glad someone else noticed!
rikcrik Said,
I think it’s possible that Gar can lose 30 pounds. on a guy that huge, 30 pounds is such a tiny percentage. Also, he belly seemed just a bit more resistant to gravity this week than others.

Amber…how you managed to keep her recap to just a few hundred words is beyond me. For one thing, I think the Wally guy is still in this work release program. Which means he’s still a prisoner? And I want to know what aisle in Walmart is the single aisle. Since moving from NYC to the middle of the country, i’ve had the pleasure of experience Wally for the first time in my life. My Wally does not have a singles aisle. Where is my inmate prince charming? (Gar met his chick a few weeks back at Walmart, too, didn’t he???)

Finally, 3 Pigs. A metaphor? Symbolic? Foreshadowing? Teen Mom is a modern epic poem.
Paige Said,
It’s a lot to handle when you date someone with a kid. It’s like you want to hang out with the person you’re dating but you have to have this kid side of you for the kid. You want the kid to like you. You want the girl/guy to like you. You have to split yourself into two. I wasn’t ready for it and neither was Kyle. But they end up back together (BIG KISS! lol).
Also you should blog for 16&P
Joanna Said,
I agree-this was the most depressing episode yet. Poor Maci, though her move was highly ill-advised (but but but-we saw some back tat! so I am happy). But they do get back together, right? If not then all of Maci’s Us Weekly stories have been a big fat lie.

Also, I think the DNA sample wasn’t 100% b/c the sample came from Derek’s sister and not Derek himself and obvi his sister is not Sophia’s dad. I think that would explain it…..but I am not totally sure as I have never been in this situation…..ahem

Also, every time Catelynn talks to her mom I find myself screaming at the tv, “stop trying Catelynn!” Seriously, why does she even bother? I would just lock myself in my bedroom all day every day.
Joanna Said,
Oh, and yes, 16 and pregnant recaps please pretty please?
Jenniferk Said,
Has anyone else been trying to figure out for weeks just what the hell that gnarly back tattoo of maci’s actually depicts? I’m more than a little dissapointed that it’s a piece of notebook paper that appears to have cupcakes on it. And here I thought Maci had brains. That coupled with the move to Nashville sort of kills that for me. Plus are we going to talk about amber’s date’s facial penis? I thought it was pretty grotesque just through their wierd convo. And then he freaking touched her with it. I threw up in my mouth a little on that one.
AM Said,
MK – YES the self tanner application was hilarious!! Ahhahaha poor Maci. Her hair color and skin color are starting to become one and the same
Amy Said,
Great recap. I agree with everything said. I used to be REALLY anti-Farrah because I thought she was such a little shitheaded bitch, but REALLY, the more that I see her and she opens up about being devastated over the loss of her baby-daddy- i TOTALLY get it- especially if her robo-mom isn’t supportive. Her dad seems caring though… but we don’t see much of him.

ANYWAY, how does catelynns mom have a BMW anyway? and how do her boobs still seem perky? don’t question why i was looking at her boobs… they were just hanging out at one point because she dresses like a 16 year old. I love tyler and catelynn, they are (mostly) mature, and they did make the right choice. ONE THING i wish was brought to light… how is that little blond baby catelynns brother? he’s like… 1 and a half… was her mom pregnant at the same time that she was? is that her baby with butch??? so NOW not only are catelynn and tyler step brother and sister… but now they are both blood related to that baby??

HELP!
Amy Said,
OH OH OH, ANDDDDDD, HOW DID YOU FAIL TO MENTION MACI’S HANDS? THAT SELF-TANNING DISASTER. OH MANNN… that shit was scary!! i mean, i’ve been there before… but she has no job and nothing to do (aside from chill with bentley) so how can she screw up tanning her hands that bad? i love her and all, shes my favorite (personality wise) but damn… don’t let that slide.
Boston Said,
The self tanner was a SHITSHOW!! I, too, am wondering about the little brothers age. I’d put his age at 2 years – at least. April needs to kick the meth/crack and or opiate habit shes got going on.
Lindsay Said,
I was embarassed in my own home during Amber’s date with Creeper Pants McGee. Gary is living up to his retard status by trying to get back with that skank bank. And since Amber constantly looks like crap & has terrible skin, I’d say she’s been dipping into ol’ Mr. Meth with our favorite drug abuser on the planet since Corey Haim died, April! All of this white trash is giving me a headache. I think it’s time for someone to slam their ding-dong in a dresser drawer just for good measure. May as well be GarBear- he already gave up his balls!

Maci’s self-tanner was HORRENDOUS. I’m glad I’m not the only one to notice that. Same with her shiny face. I know Tennessee weather might be at like 98% humidity, but Santa Christ, someone get that girl a ShamWow for her face! And that Kyle… GROSS… I can’t manage more than that one word.

Lastly, what the hell was Farrah wearing when she got the results of the DNA?!?! A pink bedsheet, perhaps!?

I can only hope that the new season of 16 & Pregnant will unveil as much white trash as we’ve seen displayed on Teen Mom.
donna Said,
Sooooo…. maci says she’s staying there cause she likes being independent and not having her family help her. Then who the hell pays her rent and bills? I know she gets child support but really, her rent is 800+ a month plus utilities, gas, insurance and not to mention all the tan-in-a-can and clairol she buys…..hmmmm….. maybe she has become Apes new meth dealer?
Joanna Said,
In regards to Catelynn’s brother-I remember him being on her 16 and pregnant episode, and he was not an infant, he may have even been walking, so that would make him a bit older, and I am almost 100% certain that butch is not the dad. But the math is definitely foggy on when Butch and April got together.
Heidi Said,
I distinctly remember Maci asking Kyyyl 10 times if he was SURE he was ready to commit to all this because it was “a lot”. I am pretty sure it is in the archives. Then, lo and behold, Maci moves to Nashville, and Kyle then decides it is too much. I am pretty sure it was due to a clash of eating habits, since she couldn’t cook rice and threw away perfectly 2 day old pizza, which happens to by Kyyyys favorite.
I heart IBBB Said,
In the episode where the little brother kissed the wall, didn’t they said he was 4? Sadly, he is not Butch’s kid. Butch only had 2 kids – Tyler and Tyler’s sister, Amber. April had 3 kids – Catelynn, Nicholas (the little boy) and another girl Sarah. Catelynn is the oldest. And I thought during one episode April said her and Butch have only been togther a little over a year. Might have been the epsiode where she goes to see the lawyer….

I have way too much time on my hands while I’m at work and you’d be amazed what you can find on the internet.
KittyKat Said,
When Amber’s creeper date said she was “perfect,” my response was, “Yeah, she’s perfect until she goes Krav Maga on your ass and cuts off your balls to mount them next to ‘ol Gar’s set.” Woman has issues. I live in the middle of no where, surrounded by “white trash” and constantly see those “people of Wal Mart” but I have NEVER met someone there. Anderson, IN must have a dating aisle..that’s all I know. And Gary is a textbook case of someone who’s been abused. They can’t let go. Seriously, if the investigation against Amber slips away I will personally drive to ShitVille, Indiana and do something about it! Bitch needs to pay for her crimes against poor Gar and innocent Leah.

At first I thought Maci’s tanning disaster was vitaligo (you know, like MJ had.) Seriously, how much is MTV paying these kids? It’s enough for Amber and Gary to have no job but buy “big” flowers, a new car, nails, and hair for psycho-bitch, and too tiny aero clothes out the wazoo but Catelynn can’t have her own place so she can get away from her horrible mother?! NOT RIGHT!
J Said,
Do we know where this other girl Sarah is? Did she wisely leave the state?
Little Suzy Said,
Dude! Downer, all of this. I saw a story concerned about this show “glorifying” teen pregnancy, again. All I can say is: not if you actually watch it.
B Said,
Love your updates. You need to watch the “web exclusive” bonus clips from Teen Mom on the MTV website. I highly recommend the clip from Episode 9. Then you need to write a blog post just about that clip.
Luna Said,
Omg I’m a sucker for crying men. Gary looked like the marshmallow man from Ghost Busters… And is he trying to do the Tyler hat trick by tipping it to the side or something?

Anyway, my heart broke for him when he cried in his car. I have no idea why he wants Amber… Ugh, looking at his “family” on the porch of his “home”… Knowing some other man might be putting his chill-eeee in his ex-but-current-mess’s dirty belows. Ew. I just grossed myself out. But I digress… I felt bad for him.

Farrah’s mom knows more to this story than what she’s saying. Wasn’t baby daddy abusive towards Farrah? Does anyone remember the first episode from season 1 where Farrah was talking about much of a jerk her baby daddy was? Debs still has a lot of anger and hate against that dude, and he’s totally dead! Hmmmm…

Maci… I wonder if Kyle has to keep the folds in his face clean and clear? Anyway, I’m thinking this won’t be the last we see of him, but I’m so glad she’s not the “nooo! Noooo babe, nooooo! No!!! Nooooo! Baaabe!” type and just let him kick rocks on his way out the door.

Catelynn, I just love her so much. She just wants her moms love, even if it comes with such a high (ahem) price. Ape just can’t be taken seriously… I wonder if that’s how Cate gets through her day.

Someone said “sadly” Butch isn’t the daddy of Ape’s last “chillen”… Are you kidding me? THANK GOD for the little things! That as if the family dynamics aren’t creepy enough!
Anonymous Said,
“Marla Hooch from the Rockford Peaches” – Holy crap I just choked on my iced tea!
Why the hell didn’t that lazy girl get up off the couch when Gary brought Leah back after 4 days?!? She doesn’t deserve that child, she just SAT there like the loser she is!

“She was going to name the baby “Bitch?” – LAMO!

Great, as always, and I agree…this was the most depressing episode ever!
Natalie Said,
There was a recent magazine article in Star or something like that where they interviewed Catelynn’s grandmother. She said that April and Catelynn have been living with her for years. Why is she not on the show? I wonder if she is the one spot of class in the whole family and didn’t want her face on tv? How classy can she be though, if she raised April?
LeAnne Said,
Catelynn’s little brother is not Butch’s. April had him when Catelynn was pregnant with Carly. And they were living with the grandmother then. They moved out in the 1st seas on Teen Mom I believe.

I sooo seriously thought I was the ONLY one who noticed Maci’s selff tanner. haha! I do feel bad for her. Even though she moved quickly, it’s not like she didn’t talk to Kyle about it first. I think her and Ryan will get back together now though. I tihnk that it iwll be a good thing as long as ryan has all his crap together.

As far as Amber. OMG…really? This girl needs some serious help. How romantic, “i met him at Wal-Mart…it was love at first sight”. I mean seriuosly, whatever.

Farrah’s cry gets on my nerves. That horrible face she makes. You would think she would see herself on the show and try to change her look or something.

Either way I hope the best for all of them. Except for maybe Amber. At this point she deserves nothing, but for someone to knock her out a few times.
Hmmmm.... Said,
I want to know where the missing sister is too…. she’s younger than catelynn, so she can’t be on her own. Unless she’s a runaway or something. Which wouldn’t surprise me terribly. Maybe she lives with her dad? Or just hides with the grandmother when the film crew is there? I want to know!
Hoolia Said,
So…. Amber poked fun at the card mis-spelling “recently”, yet she couldn’t even pass the GED PRACTICE TEST?
That's what she Said,
April needs a shirt that only says “F*CK” to add to her fabulous collection of garage sale chic.

I’d ask you to do recaps of 16 and pregnant, but last season was shitty and definitely not as entertaining as teen mom. Mainly because it’s a new person each episode (if I remember correctly…) so you don’t see as much of their life as we do in Teen Mom
That's what she Said,
and EWWW MACI’S BACK TAT PUKEEE
Jenifefa Said,
Did Kyle really say “Him’s not old enough”??? Maci, please consider that Bint-Lee is learning to talk and he may never learn to say anything but “Ah-yuck yuck yuck” and “woof woof” if you keep exposing him to Kyle.

Did Amber’s date say he loves her daughter who he’s never met??? Gary, please sue for custody, because Amber is going to date a string of ex-cons. I think this one is a serial killer.

Seriously, when Tyler said he and Catelynn can never do anything right for April, my heart just broke. Could Carly’s parents adopt them too?
b. Said,
seiously, amber and gary are the white trash of tv, i feel like amber could be the type of person to go into walmart wearing the trashiest ill fitting outfit ever in the middle of winter dragging poor leah behid her yelling at her because shes cramping her style in the search fr her new man! and gary, please realize that aeropostale is not ment for people of your mass.
ST Said,
No matter how much weight amber loses she’ll always be a fat ass in my book, she looked freakishly similar to miss piggy in this episode>>and what the hell did she wear on her date? only the most tackiest and ugliest “prom” dress ever lol someone needs to smack some fashion sense into this little pig. Catelynn- I agree she needs bags STAT!! every time I watch her I just wait for her to make some ugly gesture with her mouth.
heyy Said,
you should blog the show ‘jerseylicious’ on the style network!
Sam Said,
This recap was quite possibly the funniest thing you’ve ever written. “Whoville mugshot?” BRILLZ!
Luna Said,
Oh yeah. Catelynn messing with her tongue piercing in addition to stretching her lips over her braces is annoying.

…but I still super puffy heart the girl.
ME Said,
Amber’s date gave me a serious case of the willies. I’m 99.6% sure, he’s a serial killer.

And yes – WTF was Farrah wearing when she went to go get the DNA results? It looked like pink bed sheets.
Abby Said,
Well, well, well…what do we have here…http://www.icrimewatch.net/offenderdetails.php?OfndrID=1275106&AgencyID=54851
Mary Said,
A friend of mine just sent me this blog and I am seriously laughing out loud, and I never laugh out loud at anything. So consider that a complement! Everything you write is what we all (who watch the show) think and just aren’t mean enough to say out loud. I wish I could adopt poor Leah, and I’ll take Tyler and Catelynn while I’m at it!
Sue Said,
Catelynn, give up on involving April in the Carly stuff! She will never be nice about it or accept it. Better yet, move out!
Lemish Said,
“Also, there is no doubt in my mind that he will kill both Amber and Leah and use Leah as a stuffed-animal drug mule on international flights. Ole!”

This.Killed.Me.

I had to run out of the room and wash my hands when prison dude told Amber that meeting her was the best day of his life. I couldn’t take it!
Gracie Said,
Not only is Amber’s date creepy as hell- He’s also a child molester!.. Eww..http://www.icrimewatch.net/offenderdetails.php?OfndrID=1275106&AgencyID=54851
Natalie Said,
OMG!! He IS a child molester!!! She didn’t even ask him, (on camera anyway) what he did to “get into trouble”. Praying she isn’t still seeing him or have him around that baby! Somebody call Gar to come and take Leah far far away! Call DCFS! Call somebody!!
Keasha Said,
I don’t know if this is the real reason, but I think the DNA test was only 99.6% because it was DNA from the sister and not Derrek himself. I could be wrong though. Sad sad episode
Lynn Said,
Poor Catelynn…it’s amazing that she seems so levelheaded (mostly) when her own mother treats her like shit. April seems to to think that putting Carly up for adoption only affected her! Also, whats up with the outfit April had on? Catelynn needs to direct her away fron the ‘tween section at Walmart.
Mrs. IBBB Said,
I just saw an US Magazine article & Catelynn has her braces off in the pics. She looks so cute!
Shay Said,
OMG! I. LOVE. YOU! I’m sitting here alone in my apt cracking the F up!! Touche sir! Touche! You just won yourself a new follower!! Poor poor Maci, that girl can not catch a break when it comes to the men in her life making her look like she has poor judgement. Her mom called it though!! Whatever, she could do better, Kyle looks like a freakin Shar Pei and sounds like he’s got peanut butter stuck in his mouth!!