Come On, Lindsay is Totally Fine. The Court is Just Making Her Wear a SCRAM Bracelet, Submit to Random Drug Tests, and Not Drink Alcohol. Everyone Has to Do That Anyway.

lindsay-lohan-passport

My little Lohan, deaths door Lohan, I love to brush your stinky hair!

Why is Lindsay stuck in Cannes?   Oh someone stole her passport.  Someone also stole her beers, so someone better replace those too.  Sadly, no one stole her freckles.  There are plenty of those to go around.

After Linds-o-palooza missed her court date, the Judge did issue an arrest warrant, but did say that she can remain jail free if she pays her $100,00 bail and follows all of the following rules:

  • Wear a SCRAM bracelet,
  • Not drink alcohol,
  • Submit to random weekly drug tests

First off, where in the hell is Linds going to score $100,000 from?  She’s going to have to start selling those smelly leggings off the back of a boat in Cannes.  Second, not drink?  Really?  That’s like telling the Kool-Aid guy not to smile.  Not possible.  Third, random drug tests?  If they mean passing Linds a joint and asking her to tell if it’s lined with coke or not, then that’s the only drug test I can anticipate Lindsay passing.  Speaking of Lindsay passing……how much more time can possibly be left?