A Wizard of Oz Remake? I’ll Start Casting.

You know how when you’re really drunk you and your friends sit around and someone comes up with a great idea of going away on a trip, spur of the moment, and you all talk about getting a cab, like right now, and heading to the airport and just hop on a plane?  You know how everyone jumps up and is like “This is going to be so awesome” and you start digging for your bathing suit, deodorant, and a clean pair of underwear?  You know how as soon as you’re all about to bolt out the door you have that one friend that says, “does everyone have their credit card?”  and then all of a sudden you sober up in a nanosecond and think, “Wait, this is such a dumb idea.  I’m going to bed instead.”  Yeah, well whoever is deciding to do a remake of The Wizard of Oz forgot do the part where they just decide to go to bed instead.  Terrible idea.

According to the LA Times, “Fresh off Disney’s massive success with Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland,” Warner Bros. wants to remake another childhood classic….The studio is examining two existing “Wizard of Oz” projects, with an eye toward giving one of them a modern gloss and moving it toward the screen.

One project, called “Oz,” currently lives at Warner’s New Line label. It’s being produced by Temple Hill, which is behind a little franchise called “Twilight,” and has a script written by Darren Lemke, a writer on the upcoming “Shrek Forever After.”

A second “Wizard of Oz” project, set up at Warners proper, skews a little darker — it’s written by “A History of Violence” screenwriter Josh Olson and focuses on a granddaughter of Dorothy who returns to Oz to fight evil. “Clash of the Titans” producer Basil Iwanyk and his Thunder Road Pictures are behind that one. (”Spawn” creator Todd MacFarlane is potentially involved in a producerial capacity, to give you some idea of the tone.)”

Ugh?  Really?  I guess it could be cool.  Kind of.  If I had to cast this (and I’m writing to Congress right now trying to make this a law), I would cast Marsha Warfield as Dorothy, the Scarecrow would be played by the dude who played the father with the mullet in “My Two Dads.”  The role of the Tin Man would be played by Jenna Von Oy (Six from “Blossom”).  The Cowardly Lion, of course, would be beautifully portrayed by Bindi Sue Irwin.  The Wicked Witch of the West shall be played by Jodie Sweetin.  And, finally, Glinda the Good Witch will be played by Tony Danza.  Phew, now that that’s out of the way let the Oscar nominations roll in!  Oh, and Mary Kate AND Ashley Olsen will each play Toto.  Done.

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