Where do we even begin? First off, I know I’m 1 week late in writing about the Jenelle episode of 16 & Pregnant, but there’s good reason for it. I actually needed 1 full week to get my mind around the actual episode, as I couldn’t believe it was real.
Well, let’s cut the pleasantries and just get right down to what everyone in America (and parts of Canada) were thinking. Janelle may be the worst mom on planet earth. I mean, Joan Crawford was pretty bad, but at least she took the time to beat the kids with the wire hangers. Jenelle wouldn’t even have enough desire to do that.
What I feel the most sorry about is that one day her kid, Jace, is going to grow up and have to watch this episode and see with his own eyes what a D-bag his mom was. And why the hell did they always call the baby “it.” Janelle and her mom, Barbara (who we’ll get to in a second) would say things like “Here. Take it.” Or other loving phrases like, “What are you gonna do with it?” Awww, it’s like the Hallmark card writes itself. It’s like, hey dumb bitches, the baby is about 6 months old…and it’s a boy….and you named it….and you (probably) know his name….so, uh, you can stop calling the baby “it?”
Another one in the D-Bag Hall of Fame is Jenelle’s boyfriend, Andrew. He claims he was a model at one point, but now lost his license, has been in jail, and drinks like it’s the last day of the earth being around. He also lives 4-hours away and could possibly be the worst father ever. That Jace is one lucky kid. Seriously, give him to me. I can take care of him for about 45 minutes a day, but that’s still more attention than he’s getting from those two.
However, thee unsung hero/best character in an MTV series since “Butch” from Teen Mom/best scene stealer of the episode is, of course, Jenelle’s mom Barbara. “….and you’re paaaaahtyin’ your ass off!” Now I know they live in North Carolina, but you know that Barbara literally took the USS Constitution right out of the Boston Harbor, swung by Plymouth Rock, and drove that ship right into North Carolina. If she doesn’t have the best Boston accent I’ve heard in years then I don’t know what a Boston accent is. And, being from Boston, trust me…I know accents.
Barbara had a bunch of great one-liners like, “…you kids think this baby is like a dog or a cat, where you just leave it on the couch and go out paaaaahtyin’.” I also love when she’s yelling at Jenelle and then says, “….you don’t know how stressed I am. I got this little bitch of a daughter (that’s you) who takes off all the time…..” And let’s not forget my other favorite quote, “…this is my grandson and it’ll be a cold day in hell before you walk away and not have someone take care of this baby properly.” I mean toss in the thick accent and sprinkle it with slurred words and you got yourself a recipe for success. I honestly think that every time I watch this episode I can feel my brain smiling. I mean, it’s totally rotting, but it’s smiling too. I just know it.
Let’s not forget, however, that even tough Jenelle will be rotting in hell one day she, too, had a great quote that literally is stuck in my head all day long. And you know it’s stuck in yours too. The quote, of course, that I’m talking about is when she does the impression of Barbara and says, “I’ll watch him tonight, but don’t think you’re goin’ out on Friiiiiiiday.” No joke, when I close my eyes at night I can almost hear her whispering it in my ear. It provides me with sweet dreams.
Anyway, in the end, after Jenelle decided to take even more personal time for herself (so she can continue to go out paaaaahhhtyin’) she (I think) is having her mom help raise the baby….which I believe she was already doing, but this time I think it’s just to make sure that it was documented on camera so that she can relinquish all responsibility.