Kids Picture This: I’ll Take Future Terrorists, For $200.

Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.”  The concept is simple.  I find kids drawings.  I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it?  Let’s go….

Picture # 1 – It’s really nice to try and save the environment, but you know what else is really nice too, little Lizzy?  How about paying attention in Spelling class.  “Plollute?”  Really?  You’re telling me “Don’t Plollute.”  Is that correct?  Now does “plolluting” consist of walking down a steep hill and cracking open a can of sh*t and pouring in the river?  I don’t know why you think it’s such a bad idea because you’re white fish seem to love it.  Oh, and white fish, little Lizzy?  Yeah, I bet everything in your “ideal world” is white.  Might as well get that pointy white robe and start calling yourself Grand Wizard now.  And what the hell is up with that golf bag/trash can?  Doesn’t look like there’s too much trash in there because I’m pretty sure that an ant is carrying it away.  I know, I know, you can’t keep an eye on your can-o-sh*t andthat golf bag because, clearly, you’re missing an eyeball and the other eye seems to be covered with some sort of patch.  Maybe some of the blindingly red hair dye your mom added to your hair has dripped into the old eyes and blinded you? I bet that was more of a “bad idea” than all that “plolutting,” am I right?  Ugh and go easy with the size of some of those letters. We’re not all blind like you.  Is that supposed to be a “T” at the end of the word “don’t” or is that the actual cross that they used on Jesus?  Anyway, Lizzy, assuming the ant doesn’t run away with that, good luck with your golf game…and spelling lessons.

Picture # 2 – Yay!  Hey boys and girls!  Look who it is!  It’s everyones favorite multiracial terrorist, “Chong the Flying Mexican Magician!”  Hooray!  Yay!  And look, boys and girls, he’s about to use his flying “stick” to make a direct attack on that blue building filled with candles!  Ooooo, aaaaaah, ohhhhhhh!  “Chong the Flying Mexican Magician” is also signaling other terrorist attacks thanks to his secret language that is hovering above his head.  Hmmm, maybe he’s just thinking it?  He’s soooo mysterious, you know, since he’s missing eyes and a nose, but he has extra dirty-sanchez to go around for everyone!  Hooray!  But “Chong the Flying Mexican Magician” better be careful because that grass looks really sharp.  I bet it could even slice his zappatos.  Ole!  I can barely wait for the sequel!

Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.”  Have a drawing you’d like to share?  Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly?  Email them over to me!

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