07
Why Does Jesse McCartney Always Look Like a Wax Statue? More Importantly, Why Do I Know Who Jesse McCartney Is?!
I don’t have much to say on this except any time I see a photo of Jesse McCartney I always think they’re showing a wax statue at Madame Tussauds…but, sadly, they never are. And I always thought this kid was like 14, but he’s suffering from a case of the “Lauren Conrad Youth Eye Wrinkles” and a disturbing bout of “Hilary Duff Capped Teeth.” However, what scares more than any of these things is the fact that I actually know who he is. I think he sings. I think he spanks Aubrey O’Day in front of the paparazzi late at night. I think he’s also someone called “Zac Efron.” I also think he spends some time in a band where he takes a vow to never put his penis near anyone until he’s married. Correct me if I’m wrong with any of this, but I. Don’t. Think. I. Am.
Anywax, Jesse McCartney attended “Variety’s 3rd Annual Power Youth Event” in sunny Los Angeles over the weekend. Los Angeles is in California for those of you who fall in the 4 – 7 years old category who found this blog via Google when your mother was in the other room making lunch. Oh, and if that’s the case it’s important that you know that Elmo actually typed this. Then he OD’d.
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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Dannette Said,
He DOES have an insane amount of wrinkles for a 12 year old. someones not been taking off his make up before he goes to bed….
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Trac3 Said,
Perhaps when his balls drop he’ll also be able to borrow Lauren Conrad’s moustache…
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Bitch101 Said,
Funny you say that Elmo typed this when once upon a time, that used to be my favorite character on Sesame Street and was my AIM Screen name. But either you are a complete idiot or just some messed up enough to make up random shit because you have no life of you own. (And I admit that I have no life so don’t even bother saying that I don’t have a life for even reading articles like yours) Wow, I never though I would actually say something like that in defense of a celebrity and I normally hate people who do so. But back to the topic at hand, you are about quite a few years off in each and every category: he is 22 and his fans are generally from the ages of 15-26. His “encounter” Aubrey O’Day was merely a group outing when he went out with his band and her Danity Kane band. He specifically mentioned that they were not dating as O’Day has too in the past. He is friends with Zac Efron since they were once on the same set of Summerland. And finally, he is not involved in the whole purity ring fad that the Jonas Brothers have started. He had a girlfriend for 3 years a while back and they were living together…I think it is pretty safe to assume that they had sex during that time.
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Taylor Said,
He has the eyese of an 80 yr old man, or at least Alan Thicke.
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rachhh. Said,
hahaaaa. this is hilarious- he clearly doesn’t look young at all
and he is actually really talented. if you know nothing about him, then why bother writing about him? kind of sad. -
renn Said,
OMG- u cannot say he is ugly and old, he so does not look like a wax statue, and your just sad if you have never heard of him!
he’s lush XxX
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renn Said,
i love his smile 2…
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renn Said,
whoo is alan thike????
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lana Said,
i used to love him when he was 16 he was so cute at that time, but now i’m not really crazy about him i just like him hes okay for me.
but my little sister loves him shes the one whos crazy about him, she is 7 can u believe that -
renae Said,
hey my name is ren 2 …:D sterling knight looks like a wax staue
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renae Said,
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