IBBB’s Jersey Shore recaps are apparently the new Hills and The City recaps, which is fine by me! Also, people seem to think that somehow I know these people or work on the show. I don’t. I just watch, in horror, from the comfort of my apartment with a moderate beer buzz and hands partially covering my eyes.
Everyone seems to want to know who punches Snooki in the face during this craptastic season of MTV’s Jersey Shore. My first guess would, of course, be “karma,” but after doing a little ghetto research, I may have found the answer. According to a Philadelphia newspaper from August 2009, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, don’t sue me, allegedly, allegedly, I have nothing to sue over, allegedly, a drunk man from New York, Brad Ferro (23 yrs-old) punched a female cast member (Snooki) square in her over-tanned, caked-on-makeup, Guidette face….AFTER stealing her drink at the bar. Surprisingly, Brad Ferro’s hand didn’t shatter in 14 different places after it came in contact with Snooki’s “faccia brutta.”
According to the police report, Ferro was arrested on simple-assault and disorderly-person charges and Snooki was not treated. Not even to a full Ricki Lake style makeover? Let down.
I, personally, was surprised it was considered assault since I thought that’s just how people in New Jersey said “hello” to each other. Rumor has it, that had Ferro been from New Jersey and not New York, one Ms. Nicole Snooki would be married to him today and living a juiced-up-tanned-out-Guido-Guidette-dream-life on the Jersey Shore with two baby girls, both with tiny little “freakin’ poofs” on top of their heads.
Looks like we’ll just have to stay tuned to watch this scene in terror and wait to hear Snooki say, “Who hits a girl!?!”
And remember, friends, it’s never ok to hit a girl. If you get the urge, just hit yourself in the face. Deal? Deal!
Play the trivia game “Jersey Shore Hair…or Just an Animal?” by clicking on the video below: