10
Cristy from Intervention
Me gusta Intervention! While they’re not all funny, there are a few crapisodes that make me laugh out loud, partially because they’re funny and partially because I’m going to burn in the firey pits of hell. This is one of those times. Perhaps one of my top 5 favorite episodes of Intervention is the one with Cristy! Stay tuned for the song.
Cristy is a meth addicted alcoholic who’s a stripper and thinks she’s God, Satan, and apparently a novelist. Watch out, Lindsay Lohan, because I’m pretty sure there’s a new “triple threat” in town! Oh, and did I mention that Cristy is missing many sections of her eyebrows? She looks like the Sesame Street “Bert” stuffed animal that my sister had when she was little that I cut off pieces of his eyebrows. We never thought of filling in the missing pieces of hair like Cristy did with pencil, but we were just kids and she’s a God afterall.
Cristy drinks an insane amount of Vodka when she’s coming down from meth. She lives in what I’m assuming is the shed in her grandmothers backyard and she’s decorated it like they’re ready to shoot the next cover of “Home and Garden” at her place. She has about 15 empty bottles of Vodka in the shower and one even put halfway through the wall. Around that bottle are numbers and what I’m guessing is crossword puzzles written on the wall. It’s very art deco. We later find out these numbers are part of Cristy’s “formula” that somehow consists of “positive plus positive minus negative cancels out positive.” Somehow that proves that she’s God, she thinks. I’d buy that.
While Cristy can’t seem to afford alcohol on her own she somehow finds the money to dye her hair blond and always have new crisp “wife-beaters” that really complete her look. This Cristy is a real pistol. She goes to the liquor store and can’t buy alcohol on her own so she stands outside with a sign and just yells “Hey friends….friends? Hey friends!” until someone with a blurred out face approaches her and agrees to buy her some vodka if he can have a hug (and maybe go down the street with her for a little bit). Cristy may be a meth stripper, but she’s a shrewd business woman and skillfully negotiates the vodka transaction minus the “trip down the street for a little bit.” She must be onto something with that “positive positive negative” math equation. I’ll practice that later.
Cristy spends the majority of the episode naked. Ramen Noodles are involved. Cristy spends a lot of time throwing noodles around her dump of a house. Later she spits the chewed up noodles at the producer. Hot. Speaking of hot and by “hot” I mean “scary” Cristy’s sister (who also has jacked up eyebrows) fights a naked Cristy outside next to the free-weights and chest-press. Seriously, is this happening? It is.
Our pal Cristy was surprisingly not molested as a child, but her parents did get divorced when she was nine and apparently that’s a recipe for a meth/stripper filled future. She moved out to LA with her dad when she was a teenager and even though she was dressed in clothes that exposed her boobs and stomach and was going to “raves” her dad just thought “she was going to a dance.” Yeah, a dance at the local crackwhore house. I’m sorry that was wrong. No no I mean the spelling of “crackwhore.” Should it have been hyphenated?
Yay! It’s time for the Intervention! I love when the family pretends it’s a party. Cristy walks in an smiles and says “Oh God” and her family literally yells out “Weeeee!” Seriously, brilliant. I want one! Cristy hugs everyone whilst holding a pack of Spree’s. It is a party! Oh, and she also has stickers on her face. Is it bad that I never want Cristy to get help? I just want Cristy to have her own channel where all we do is watch her. Maybe every now and then Janet (from a previous Intervention) can make an appearance and just yell out “God Almighty!”
The intervention itself is a real circus. Cristy laughs it all off, but her family kinda laughs it all off too. Hell, might as well, I’m laughing too. By the way, I totally blame her parents for this. Not because of the divorce, but because they are complete morons. If she were my daughter I would have ripped her by her hair out of her meth lab apartment and chained her to a radiator until she sobered up and then tossed her ass in rehab. I’d repeat that process 2,462 times until it finally worked.
Anyway, Cristy loses her 40 that she’s drinking and throws her orange Spree’s at the Interventionist. She then begins to fight her family (by pulling out some Matrix sh*t). They literally have to hold her down to the ground so she will listen to them. After they threaten her with jail the shrewd business Cristy comes out again and she negotiates going to rehab ONLY if she can drink on the plane. Deal!
Finally, in the car ride to the airport, the mom asks the dad to sing a song to Cristy. I don’t want to oversell this, but this is the best part of the episode. And the song goes….
So pretty and she’s witty,
Sometimes misty, that’s my Cristy
She’s my girl, my little girl, to me that’s what she’ll be.
Best. Song. Ever.
Finally, in conclusion, Cristy gets kicked out of treatment after 3 days so her family had her arrested. Cristy said she got the message of “don’t do drugs.” Nancy Reagan would be proud. Cristy served 90 days in jail, relapsed 6-weeks after, and now lives with friends and drinks and does drugs. Well that sucks. Does that mean it’s wrong that I laughed at this episode?
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
-
Michele Said,
I LOVE this episode of Intervention, it’s one of my favorites. I have had it saved on my Tivo for almost 2 years. I am fascinated by Christy, and just can’t bring myself to delete it! I can watch it over and over. There’s just something about a naked meth crazed girl that I can’t get enough of. Oh yeah, love when the dad signs her the song at the and….pure entertainment. I was so excited to see that you recapped this episode….awesome job!
-
Jennie Said,
I’m running home to watch this episode. I can’t believe I missed something like this.
-
K.Vo Said,
best. intervention. ever. i saw this a few years ago and my friends and I refelct on it fondly.
-
IBBB Said,
I’m still shocked that this has been on for like 5 years. Crazy!
I not only saved it on my TIVO from last night but made sure I changed the “do not delete” function.
I also have the episode of when Papouli from Full House died saved on my TiVO from May of 2007. I rule!
-IBBB
-
Matt Said,
Thanks the twitter warning (tweet?) last night about this episode. I hoped to hear some commentary today and you did not dissapoint. Even though I knew the noodle throw was coming, it was still more than I could have immagined.
-
robyn Said,
i am so happy to see i am not the only person who is going to hell for cracking up at this epi, and some others.
first off, i’d like to say that i just found your blog while looking for the exact lyrics to the song cristy’s father sang both at the beginning of the epi as well as in the car on the way to the airport.. only so i could post it as my new status on facebook.
i have seen this one at least five times.. it’s a guilty pleasure.. is that horrible? when his was ondemand on tv like months ago.. i watched over and over and over. there are so many insane things that happen, you need to watch it several times to catch all of them.
anyway, your synopsis of the entire thing was brilliant. you couldn’t have worded it any more perfectly.. kudos to you. -
Laurie Said,
I’m right there with you – when i saw Christy was on again, it was like Christmas morning. Crazy bitch! I luv it.
-
Matthew Said,
We are not going to hell, Intervention producers are! So I watched, and laughed, and pretended to act shocked and concerned for that “Poor misguided girl” when someone walked in the room. You can bet I cheered the sister on when she started the beat down. I loved the look in her eyes that screamed… “I’m not letting some drunk meth twig beat on me”. Seriously, I would have locked myself in a room with her and a cattle prod until all the nastiness was sapped from her body. That would be a really long time, but I’m sensitive and caring like that. If that didn’t work, I’d pimp her out (and get eyebrows tattooed on).
-
amanda Said,
i find it so perfect that her name is cristy and she is addicted to crystal meth.
you can’t write that shit.
-
Em Said,
she was kicked out after 33 days, not 3. it’s not wrong that you laughed at this episode, just sad. it was just a really sad thing to watch.
-
Caroline Said,
This is definitely the best episode of Intervention. I would LOVE to see a follow up on Cristy. I wonder if she looks like total hell now. She has officially been a meth addict for over half of her life now – that’s pretty sad.
-
Polar Said,
Are you seriously telling me this absolutely self absorbed, destructive to everything and everyone around her including herself, is still alive?
Can’t be.Anyone that feels sorry for this girl, don’t. How could you after seeing that show?
-
Sarah Said,
this is my favorite intervention yet, even though she doesnt get help. Shes funny and full of live..i wonder if she ever will get the help she needs and deserves.
Good Luck Cristy, You’ll always be my favorite methed-out tweaker <3 -
Sarah Said,
life*
-
lexusp Said,
Im fascinated by christy as well, but because she’s my friend. We had quite an adventure traveling together from san jose to LA, and shes one of the sweetest, most charismatic people ive ever met. Shes the kind of person that could strike up a conversation with anyone, and make them into a friend. She has such an interesting view on life, anarchy-like, which is good in my opinion, and she has an infectious laugh. I love hanging out with her, she really brightens up any room she’s in.
-
CupcakeYo Said,
I love this episode more than any other I’ve ever seen, all they need to do is get her and the chick who inhales the dust off together to do their own show, and nobody would be able to stop watching!
Am I the only one who totally wants to befriend this chick, and actually hopes someone will publish her crazy ass book?
-
Yo Said,
They now have that episode on the Intervention website! Hooray! #1 episdode ever! Words can’t explain how awesome this episode is LOL
-
Shanna Said,
They weren’t Spree’s, they were Lifesavers.
Nevertheless, no one will ever be able to top the awsomeness of Cristy’s intervention. -
Marin Said,
I just saw an obituary for Cristy posted on facebook, dated January 2010.
-
c'mon marin Said,
post the link to the obituary!!! share damnit! show or no one will believe you. Period.
-
Michael Said,
Cristy died on January 3rd of this year… Sorry to break the bad news.
-
Jennifer Said,
If you look at A&E’s forums, they received a lot of inquiry about Cristy’s “death” and reported the image of the obituary to be fake. They said she’s alive still.
-
Pete Said,
She is still alive. I live right down the road from her. She is hooker now. I use her services a few times a month. $200 and you get a whole night of doing what ever you want to her as long as she is high. I have some pictures I would post if I could
-
Chantale Audet Said,
The intervention documentary is interesting, but about Cristy, its sad, because she has been, kicked out of treatment and she chosed jail, and continue to drink and use drugs, I am just wondering if She just died..
