Mar
05

I Would Like a Timeless Picture of Me Used…in the Unlikely Event….

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: me

have-you-seen-me

Dear Loyal and Bipolar Readers,

I’ve been thinking. I’ve decided that in the unlikely event I were to ever go missing, or a boat I’m on flips over, or I get kidnapped by Kelly Cutrone, or I pull an Amelia Earhart, or I get locked in a trunk, or I get tossed off a cruise ship, etc I would please like someone to use the above picture that I drew of myself to send to the news outlets, online sources, and tacked onto telephone poles throughout your city.

This is all quite simple, you see. This photo that I’ve created is timeless. It’s simple. Sure I have olive colored nose and hands, but that’s besides the point. Anyone notice that picture of Chandra Levy that CNN keeps showing? Yeah, it’s like attack of the 90’s. I don’t want that done to me. I don’t want to go missing and have my parents send CNN a picture of me from 6th grade with lasers shooting behind me in the background. The photo I’ve created is much better and when I’m finally found, I won’t be embarrassed. It’s a real win-win. I don’t think there are any holes in this plan. Plus, how much are “the kids” going to love it when that picture is on the back of every milk carton this side of the Mason-Dixon (no idea where that is).

Thank you all, in advance, for your cooperation.

Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB (both the real and cartoon version)

5 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

carrie Said,
win-win indeed!
TrishaKakes Said,
I think this is one of the best looking pics iv seen in a long time. Unlike any celebrity you have truely “captured the essance of your spirit”, including the mix-matched colored body parts. True emotion comes from this picture,! Well done, I hope you get lost for a very long time and this is plastered on all milk cartons, telephone polls, and bathroom stalls…. everywhere.
Dan Said,
IBBB- How come your head isn’t attached to your body?
Lauren Said,
For as long a I can remember my family has been instructed not to put candids of me on the news. They are to hire someone to draw a picture of me for the news…if I go missing their new instructions are to hire IBBB to draw my picture
Lisa Said,
Awww, your parents let you get the laser background?!!! Luckyyyyyyy. I think my mom made me get the “traditional” background.