Feb
24

The Hills Season 5 Preview: Scripted Punches, Scripted Tears, Scripted Hugs. Scripted Scripts.

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: the hills, the hills recap

the-hills-season-5

So yeah, uh, I’m playing it cool. I could care less that I just saw the teaser for The Hills Season 5. Yeah, who cares, right? That show totally sucks. Ok, now that that’s over. I’m completely pumped that The Hills Season 5 is going to start soon and after seeing the ridiculousness that is this preview I am counting down the days until I can recap this crap. Just from this 2 minute and 18 second clip I’m already pee’ing myself laughing. Here are just some of my favorite parts, some:

Lauren takes her moustache to see a “psychic” and the “psychic” tells Lauren mysterious visions of her being betrayed in the past and how there was someone who took her friend away from her. Wow. Someone must have spit-shined her crystal ball! How on earth (Us Weekly and MTV) would this “psychic” ever be able to know these things?! Seriously, my mom doesn’t even watch The Hills and even she knows about Lauren and Heidi’s past.
Lauren’s surprise birthday party was on a yacht and they might as well have lit fireworks around her because when “the douche bag gang” yelled “surprise!” LC almost did stinky-bottoms in her pants. Either that or they actually yelled “surprised!” when Heidi walked into the floating party.
Meanwhile, Steve Sanders faux-flirts with some random skanky bartender who “will always be known as the girl who flirted back at Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes beard.” Sorry, sweetie, you might as well start etching this onto your tombstone because this is your claim to fame.
Heidi flies out to see one of my favorite people in the whole entire world, Darlene “the Ugly Crier Montag in one of my favorite places in the world, Crested “Heidi’s Horse Should be Shot” Butte! Whilst speaking with Darlene I’m pretty sure Heidi is sporting a beret with a giant snowball on her head.
Steve Sander and the boyfriend of Sandy Sanders get into a “dance off fight” at the bar. Steve Sanders is slapping at him like an Italian grandmother chasing her no-good husband around the kitchen table with a slipper in her hand. Brilliant.
Finally, Heidi and Lauren have a cry-off and hug it out (bitch). While Whitney isn’t on the show anymore, I’m pretty sure she wrote the lines that Heidi is saying while she’s crying to Lauren: My favorite stories are my stories with you. My favorite memories are my memories with you. She should have finished it with: My favorite table-readings were my table-readings with you. My favorite cue cards were my cue cards held by you.

Can’t wait for this crap. Please, please, please don’t let me get a life before the new season starts!

15 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

Penny Said,
Ok,first of all,they don’t seem to even be pretending this shit is real anymore.This is totally like a movie teaser.Awesome.

Secondly,the only person more excited about you recapping this show,than you,is me.I can’t wait.I almost don’t even have to watch the actual show,I can just read your recaps and I’ll be fine.
volchok Said,
so…the fight between heidi and spencer its obviously scripted but the fight between spencer and cameron is something I’m dying to see…lol..scripted or not…

the first scene is obviously ridiculous but u have already said everything there was to say( tabloids/mtv)

is it just me or spencer was talking to other dude i cant even remember the name? weren’t they enemies or something now? haha

NOW WHAT REALLY REALLY PISSED ME OFF IS THAT THERE IS NO SIGN OF JUSTIN BOBBY IN THE TRAILER . THAT IS FUCKED UP.
that's what she Said,
Oh my God, they’re break-dance fighting!
Carrie J Said,
“My favorite cue cards were my cue cards held by you”. hahaha, brilliant ibbb!
And I wouldn’t watch the show if it wasn’t scripted.. no one would. since you know.. then no one except like, lauren and whitney (and by that I mean just whitney), would have a job. and she’s not even on the show.. And so one.
miss heidi’s mum so badly, so the.. teaser made my day! and how sad is that.. well well.
Kate, UK Said,
Oh my god I just creamed my knickers. Can’t wait to see Spencer dance fighting – ‘Step Up 3: The Fame Whores’. I’m going to have to wait even longer though as I’m in the UK! Argh!
goldie Said,
kate, you don’t have to wait, you can see the episodes on mtv’s site the day after they air.
its accessible out of the u.s. too, i watched them from germany!
volchok Said,
http://ilovewhatwomenwant.blogspot.com/2009/01/breaking-news-about-city-jay-lyon-is.html

http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/the_city/2009_Feb_17_dialogue_text
Erika Said,
When Heidi and Spencer break up, it’s only a matter of time before they start airing “Spencer’s Shot at Love”.
Viva La Mexico Said,
Whats with the faces at the end, i understand that sandy, laure, heidi, and spencer have something to do with each other, but why in earth they show audrina as if she was involved or even give a shit about the fauxfight/making-up scenes
Corey Said,
IBBB I immediately thought of you when I was watching this train wreck of a trailer. Can’t wait for the new season…I still can’t put my finger on the exact moment The Hills turned into Days Of Our Lives,but I’m gonna be all over the new season like a cheap slut. Or a Bangs Monster.
amanda Said,
anyone notice that spencer shaved?!?!?!?!?!
relinquishing_junk Said,
you should totally come blogging @ xanga. think you’ll be much more appreciated (and hated, heheh) on there. definately will find more feedback there. anyway, do what you gotta do.
Efpdekuf Said,
k6v3hX comment2 ,
buy viagra on line without a prescription Said,
KXME5J rjvhwfiy fkuhvatc enkkqrwd
viagra Said,
Hello!