The newly married Mariah Carey tied up her boobs, stole a skirt from her Bratz doll, and headed over to TRL to visit “the kids” in the audience and promote the hell out of her album. Sure she looks good, but you know if she wasn’t famous she’d just be that chick at the local city bar that is almost 40 and dressing like that, thinking she looks good, and ends up going home with the 55 yr old dude who probably also dabbles a little in the Mafia and owns a couple of dry cleaners that have slot machines that pay out in the back room. Yeah. That’s totally it.

In other Mariah news, she will be performing at 5th Annual Fashion Rocks concert that combines the love of fashion and music on Sept 5th at Radio City Music Hall. Proceeds of the concert will benefit Stand Up Cancer, a foundation that raises money for cancer research. See how I ended this story on a nice note? I mean, Mariah still looks like a slam-pig whore, but she’s a slam-pig whore that helps people. Technically speaking, that’s the best kind of whore. A helping whore.