In a true biblical sign of the Apocalypse, Tori Spelling will be heading back to an actual acting job in which she will need to not only memorize lines, but wait for it….wait for it….act out those lines. What a concept. This is bitter sweet news for me as I will truly miss watching Tori scoop ice-cream for publicity, run a bed and breakfast for publicity, paint a pig for publicity, etc. On the other hand, Tori will bring Donna Martin to life, which increases the chances of seeing Ray Pruit toss her down a flight of stairs….my lifelong dream/goal.

Donna Martin will be making several appearances on the new 90210, as the owner of one of the coolest stores in Beverly Hills that all the kids go to. Um…does that store have a flight of stairs? They better because if not how is Tori gonna get tossed down them?

Anyway, the bottom line is that I’d like to be invited to the premiere party no matter what it takes. I’ll make sex to whoever gets me into that. I’ll also dress up as Aaron Spelling and show up and scare the piss out of everyone. Come on, it’s a win-win!