Mar
13

America’s Next Top Model: Meat Suits

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: america's next top model

IBBB lead contributing write, Jenny, pushed aside her work of helping the homeless dress more high fashion to recap the crap out of last nights America’s Next Top Model. She’s good like that. Here are Jenny’s brilliant thoughts on what went down:

You wanna be on top? No, why do you Tyra? Stop asking me questions in song.
Random fact of the week…I just noticed that when Tyra uses flashbacks, she uses “Sepia” How photoshop of her.
Woooo Woooo! The girls are at the fire station. Miss Jay is dressed as a fireman. Very believable.
Anyway, they have to change into fireman outfits. Oh, and by fireman outfits I mean tight slutty shorts, high-heeled patent leather ankle boots, breast clinging shirts and suspenders.
Firemen will be judging the girls as they walk a pretend runway in their get-ups.
Amis literally skips down the runway. I wonder where she is skipping to? Probably to her loo.
….And cue the obligatory fight over the showers. Every season this happens. BORING. I want to see these girls fight over the toilet. They are concerned that there are eleven girls and three showers. Personally, I would be concerned that there are eleven girls, some possibly eating Mexican every now and again, some possibly bulimic and only 3 toilets.
Oh nightmare. Jaslene is here. Why?
This week there is a runway challenge and the winner will get to pose with Jaslene in Seventeen magazine. That is not a prize, that is consequences for your actions.
Oh SNAP. Jaslene is critiquing the runway show and asks Lauren if she really wants to be a model and if she really wants to be here. Oh no she DIDN’T.
Nice. The girls are in a meat house. This week’s photo shoot has the girls posing while wearing meat. I am not making this up. Although, I can’t tell you how many dirty looks I get when I ask the sales girl at Saks where the meat skirts and meat necklaces are.
Honestly this is hideously gross. Good luck with this one Tyra. I can hear the “Ding” in Tyra’s inbox from here. I predict 8,537,052 emails from angry vegetarians regarding this week’s photo shoot. I am also 100% certain that Tyra will use this opportunity to address this issue on the Tyra Banks show in which she issues a public apology for “meat-gate 2008″ You heard it here first.
It’s judging time and Tyra “sing introduces” the panel of judges. No doubt this is an attempt for Tyra to spin off “Tyra: the Musical.”
Amis is eliminated from the competition. Time to pack up your meat bags and hit the road. See y’all next week.