Dolly is relentless about talking about her crazy rack-attack. Dolly (which is a name that apparently exists) has been forced by her knock-knock-knockers to postpone her US Tour for 6 to 8 weeks because of back problems that Dolly figures is due to the two pumpkins attached to her chest. 6 to 8 weeks? I say she’s going in to get them even bigger. I hear she won’t stop the surgery until the majority of viewers think that she’s stuffed Dakota Fanning down her shirt. Just a theory.

Dolly has said, “I know I have been breaking my neck and bending over backwards trying to get my new Backwoods Barbie CD and world tour together, but I didn’t mean to hurt myself doing it! But hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don’t have back problems.”

You know what, Dolly? No one likes a showoff. And I have tried wagging puppies around. My arms get tired. Stop stop rubbing it my face….sort of. Ok you can do it a little, but we’ll need a safe word in case I stop breathing.

Oh well get better soon, Dolly. Good luck finding someone else to sing “Islands in the Stream” live on stage, Parton fans!