Finally after over a year, one of life’s biggest mysteries has been solved. I know I’m supposed to go to the left, to the left, everything I own in a box to the left. But what exactly is “everything?” Now I know. It consists Hamburger Helper, Bush’s Baked Beans, some sweet corn in the can, sliced carrots, and what appears to be something by Betty Crocker.

Look I don’t care that the “to the left, to the left” joke is old. It’s very old, I know this. But, you mean to tell me that there is a photo of Beyonce holding a box to my left and I’m not supposed to say something? It’s my civic duty as an American. If I don’t say the joke the terrorists win and you don’t want that do you? Anyway, Beyonce was trying to keep a low profile while helping the homeless in Houston, but somehow a bunch of cameras and 25 foot microphones appeared. That always happens to me when I help the homeless. Ok, I don’t help the homeless, but if I did I know that would happen too. Bonus point for Beyonce showing some partial cameltoe to the homeless. Every little bit helps!