According to In Touch Weekly, Lindsay No Pants has carted her freckled arse back to a little place called, “rehab.” Actually, she’ll be spending some time at “Promise of a New Day” in Malibu where Britney Spears “vacationed” for a month. What’s great about this is that I get to recycle all of my “Promise of a New Day” jokes! What’s better than that?!?

A close drunken friend of Lindsay has said, “She finally realizes it’s the right thing to do….she’s going willingly.” Wait, isn’t this the $50,000 a week rehab? Yeah, who wouldn’t want to go to that? I’d go if I could afford it and I don’t even have a problem. I mean, I’d totally pretend I would just to be able to stay there for a month. Hmmm, I have a brilliant idea. If the IBBB readers donate $50,000 to me, I’ll check myself in to Lindsay’s rehab playground and become her tennis partner. I can then help her shave her head, explain to her how she, too, is the anti-Christ, and will formally change her name to Lindsay No Pants. It will totally be worth the money.