American Idol: Country Music. Ouch.

• Phil Stacey is singing some song I don’t know. I don’t know a lit of country music so I assume I’ll be typing this a lot. Does his shirt have little mirrors all over it? Fancy. I’m sure the crew at a country bar like fancy flashy shirts like that from their performers. Dear Phil, please use police escort to get to your car after the show. Best of luck. IBBB.
• Uh, does Paula smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke? I think she literally picks random words from the dictionary and puts them all together to form a slurred sentence.
• Jordin is singing one of Martina’s songs, which I don’t know either. I did notice, however, that Jordan has man hands. What? Just an observation as the song helped me drift slowly to sleep.
• I think Paula just had her second stroke of the night.
• Sanjaya is up next. I think he’s trying to look tough with his red bandanna. His perm is too high so he looks more like Carrot Top and Rhea Perlman all in one.
• Sanajaya sings “Something to Talk About.” Fitting. Very fitting…not because people talk about him, but because he talk-sings and he sing-talks. He never just sings.
• Uh, how about we give ‘em something to sing about. Ouch. Sanjaya hurt my ears. No really.
• Wait, did Paula just call Sanjaya gay? I think she did.
• Lakisha is singing Carrie Underpant’s Jesus Take the Wheel. I say, Jesus take the dessert cuz Lakisha needs a break. Sure that was a low blow, but it’s country music week and I’m falling asleep.
• Why does Paula talk directly into the microphone like she’s bidding on the set of golf clubs on “The Price is Right?”
• Chris is singing a Rascal Flats song. I’m assuming he’ll sing it like he’s Justin Timberlake. Yup I’m right. He did. One Justin Timberlake is already too much. We don’t need a second one. As a side note, how come only parts of his song have a country accent? Just checking.
• Wow, bonus points for Chris for using the Virginia Tech sympathy vote. Even I wouldn’t joke around with that. Enjoy hell, Chris. Ok, see you there.
• Did Melinda just get breast implants this week? Will they sing too? Let’s see.
• It was nice that Melinda didn’t look like the grandmother from “Family Matters” this week, although I do miss that.
• Blake is up. I can’t do this anymore. No comment. Good day.