08
When Did Kate Gosselin Turn Into “Sweet Dee” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Remember that lion’s mane that Kate Gosselin had super-glued to her scalp for her big “makeover?” Well, apparently she just cut her weave and wanted to show it off while heading to Butter in NYC the other day. She looks better, but when in the holy hell did she turn herself into Sweet Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? And when this photo was taken on Friday (Feb 5th) NYC had a high of 25 degrees. Where the hell is her coat?? Would she let any of her little brats outside the house without a coat in the winter? Way to lead by example, Kate, way to lead by example. That’s it, I’m suing for sole custody. I think I have a good shot.
In other “Kate Gosselin is Ditching Her Kids” news, it is rumored that Kate will be co-hosting The View, again, on March 11th so, well, there’s that. And that about wraps it up. I miss It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Insert sidewards sad face here.
Read More On: fauxlebrities
08
Saturday Night Live: Garth and Kat
It took me a minute to figure out what was going on here, but once I did I thought this is hysterical. In fact, I (sadly) remember that my sister and I used to do this when we were little. Who knew we were pioneers of the song mimic?
Garth and Kat stop by the Weekend Update desk to sing some impromptu Valentine’s Day songs. Seriously, any time on SNL that that cast just starts laughing is always a crowd pleaser in my simple mind. Who’s better than Kristin Wiig?!
Read More On: celebrity gossip
08
Dr. Ruth Does Her Best Hitler
You know what this world has been missing lately, besides good leadership, Dr Ruth dressed up as what I can only assume is Hitler. That’s Adolph Hitler to you. And, let’s face it, nothing is sexier than a senior citizen sex therapist with an accent and mustache. It’s like the personal ad writes itself.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer got all decked out as Charlie Chaplin-Hitler for “The Princess Ball Mardi Gras Masquerade Party” that took place at, where else, Cipriani on 42nd Street in snowless New York City on Saturday. I not really sure why I decided to post this, but I mean come on, why wouldn’t I?!
Look at the way her Hitler cane is poised and saying, “Get back opposing military!” And her mustache that says, “Want a ride?” And her eyeglasses that say, “Yeah I killed Sally Jesse Raphael and have her locked up in the trunk of my powder blue 1985 Oldsmobile Cutless Siera with dark blue pinstripes. Jealous?”
Read More On: celebrity gossip
08
The Jersey Shore Cast Head to The View
As the Douche-Bag Press Tour continues to criss-cross applesauce all over the United States, one of the next stops for the Jersey Shore cast is on ABCs “The View.” My little Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, Grandpa Situation, Pauly D/Ellen Travolta, Sammi SweatStains, Ronnie the Stump, and Vinny are all scheduled to appear on the Feb 23rd episode. You totally know that this is the day that Barbara Walters will have the day off. Whoopi will have no clue who any of them are and Elizabeth will claim they are all anti-American. Joy will be too busy doing her 1980’s standup routine and Sherri will think Snooki is her long lost twin sister. Should I have said “Spoiler Alert” before I wrote all that?
After you’ve completed your GTL, be sure to check out the d-bag brigade at 11am on Feb 23rd on ABC.
Read More On: jersey shore cast
08
Tyra Banks Poised to Steal Your Invention
As you may know I have shot over 1 scene for the Tyra Banks Show. I shot 2. Are you judging me? Are you paying my bills? You know don’t me! You don’t know me! You aint gots nuthin’ on me! Oh no you didn’t. Oh no you don’t. Oh no you just did not! Sorry, I’m done. I recently received this Tyra casting notice in my electronic mail account (or “email” as “the kids” call it).
Now Casting: Do You Have an Invention You Want Trya to Make?
Do you live in NY, NJ, or CT and have an invention you want Tyra to make? If you have drawings or mini models of a mock invention you want Tyra to make, please respond ASAP.
Uh. Huh? If you think that I’m going to share with Tyra my mini model that I crafted of a 12 inch Tyra doll who teaches young children to “smile with their eyes” and “act a hoochie, but make it fashion” you got another thing coming! I, personally, am especially proud of the patent-pending feature in which you pull Tyra’s hand and she starts asking your child fun questions….and then she pauses for 4 seconds while your child starts to answer and then her volume goes up 10 notches and she interrupts your child and answers her own question and tells a story about her own childhood and growing up in the fashion industry.
Read More On: tyra banks
08
In “Huh? What?” News…
Uh. So, these two got married over the weekend. Really? What? Andrew Shue from Melrose Place and Amy Robach from Weekend Today (The bastard step child of the Today Show) tied the knot in NYC at The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers. I don’t think I should have known that these two were even doing nasty boom boom to each other, but I’m kind of surprised I didn’t know that these two were doing nasty boom boom to each other. Apparently they met at a book signing party last April, got engaged in September, and now married in February. How many months does it take to have a baby? I’m not good with math. Eh, who cares. Although one thing I learned from this is that I would like to learn more about the sex lives of all the “newscasters” on the Today Show. Yeah I’m talking to you Hoda Kotbe! I don’t need to find out from People Magazine that you got married to David Lander at the Planet Hollywood in Times Square over the weekend!
Read More On: random celebrities
05
LeAnn Rimes Continues to Ruin Lives
If LeAnn Rimes isn’t breaking up marriages she’s busy with helping get homeless freak women arrested. While heading to the doctors office in Beverly Hills yesterday the paparazzi were snapping up photos of LeAnn when all of a sudden the homeless helper angel known as “Queen on the Scene” began to block LeAnn’s face. Queen on the Scene may have got a little bit too rough, however, because police quickly swooped in an placed Queen under arrest. That’s a very quick response. Perhaps the police finished solving all the murders and kidnappings? You may remember Queen on the Scene from “helping” other celebrities like Betty White, Larry King, Reba McEntire, Hilary Duff, and now LeAnn Rimes.
Read More On: LeAnn Rimes
05
Wanda Sykes: Boobs Out Your Blouse
To me there was nothing worse than “Pants on the Ground” guy from American Idol. I didn’t get it. I didn’t think it was funny and I think it was even worse that American Idol tried to trick us into making it a viral hit just to continue to promote their show. Either way, it worked. However, if this was on the show I think it would have been better. Check out Wanda Sykes from the Wanda Sykes Show trying out for American Idol with her rendition of “Boobs Out Your Blouse.” Good times.
Read More On: celebrity gossip
05
Howard Stern Replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol?
So basically anyone can just be a judge on American Idol now? Those with music experience need not apply. It’s being rumored that Howard Stern is the front runner by Idol producers who want him to replace Simon Cowell when he leaves at the end of this season. A source is saying that producers approached Stern after he spoke repeatedly about his unhappiness with being on Sirius/XM radio. They believe that Stern will provide a lot of conflict with the other judges and contestants and make some good television and that they’re one of the only media outlets that can offer him something financially attractive enough that Sirius/XM can. Currently it’s reported that Sirius/XM is paying Stern $50 million a year. Yup, that sounds like Idol money to me.
While I’m sure this is just a rumor and possibly a contract negotiating tactic by Stern at best, how awesome would it be if he were the new judge? Just think what it would be like if while Carrie Underwood were singing, “I Go Out Walking, After Midnight” Stern was throwing bologna at her ass. Brilliant, right?
Read More On: howard stern
05
You May Turn Your Monitor Towards Your Children Now.
Today’s clean and friendly blog post is brought to you by the letters “F,” “C,” “K,” and “U.” And by the numbers “9″ and “6.” The gang from Sesame Street was just blocks from my apartment in sunny NYC to celebrate the temporary renaming of 31st and 8th to, you guessed it, 123 Sesame Street. You totally know the homeless people in the area thought they were in the middle of the Columbus Day Parade. Ah, the homeless. So much fun.
Right outside of Madison Square Garden and Penn Station you could see some of your favorite Seasame Street characters like Ernie, Bert, Elmo, Cookie Monster, and some others that I didn’t know like Abby Cadabby and Zoe! Hold on to your kids, parents, because once the cameras stop flashing the people of Sesame Street are no longer responsible for the behavior of those inside the costume. Just a friendly city tip.
So the next time someone asks me if I can tell them how to get, how to get to Sesame Street I can answer….F you, I don’t work for the city!
Read More On: celebrity gossip
05
I’m Not Kidding, This is What My Personal Hell Would Be
If this doesn’t make me behave like a better human so that I don’t end up burning in the fiery pits of hell, nothing will. This is, without exaggeration, my own personal nightmare and my own personal hell wrapped up into one big box that is then shat on by Satan himself.
Jordin Sparks (blurp) and David Archuleta (gnaaaaw) performed at the 3rd Annual Jordin Sparks Experience at the Eden Roc Resort in Miami, Florida the other day. 3rd annual? Sounds like 2 too many. Both sported their under eye war paint as a festive way to attract attention away from their weight and height and sang a duet that I don’t even need to know what it was in order for me to close my 30th floor window in an attempt to save my life.
Read More On: jordin sparks
05
Fan Group Trying to Get Betty White to Host Saturday Night Live (SNL)
I won’t even come close to mentioning the almost Betty White camel toe as I suspect the same thing happens if you see the Devil’s face. You immediately combust. Anycobwebs, a Facebook group is trying their best to get Betty White to host an upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live.
At the time of this posting there are 11,200 fans who also seem to share this same interest. It must be nice to have goals and meaning in life. The group continuously mentions that she is now 80 years old, so apparently, they’re trying to get this booked onto her schedule before she races Rue McClanahan to the pearly white gates of Heaven.
If you you want to join the group, click here. I’m sure the big-wigs at SNL scan Facebook groups to see who they should book next so, remember, your vote counts. As a side note I’d like to work for The Soup and host it so, well, feel free to start up a Facebook group so that I can accomplish this. Thanks.
Read More On: random celebrities
04
Apparently Where Darlene Montag Lives There are No TVs or Magazines…and She’s Missing Her Eyes.
Nothing quite says “family reunion” like an MTV camera crew to capture the look on your face when you first lay eyes on your daughter who mutilated her face all in the name of “show business.” For some reason, Us Weekly stopped blowing Heidi and Spencer and now People Magazine has taken to their knees to report, exclusively, on all things related to Heidi Montag’s new face.
Heidi headed (pun sorta intended) to Crested Butte to slap her horse in the ass and visit her mom, Darlene Montag, for the first time since karma did a real number on her face and part of her body. Heidi told People Magazine, “I was nervous, but also excited … I never thought in my wildest dreams she was going to react the way she did. She was looking at me almost like a zoo animal. It wasn’t like I was her daughter anymore. She was looking at me like I was a circus freak.”
Darlene was probably looking at Heidi like she was her long lost son who fled the country in 1999 to become a post-op transsexual…who then made love to a circus freak and a zoo animal all whilst getting slapped in the face with Silly Putty and Leprechaun hats. So, yeah, that’s probably what she was looking at.
Heidi lifelessly continued, “I think she was most upset that Spencer was there for me and she wasn’t. She was saying how sad it is that my confidence is gone because of the music industry I’m trying to get into.” If the music industry she’s referring to is in regards to a Meow Mix remix jingle then, yeah, I get it.
You can watch the script unfold on the upcoming season of The Hills.
Read More On: heidi montag
04
Why Did Snooki’s Makeover Turn Her Into an Asian Extra on Dynasty?
If there’s one thing you know I love it’s Snooki. Snooki for breakfast. Snooki for lunch. Snooki for dinner. Hell, even Snooki for a sensible mid-day snack. This time around Snooki was getting a complete makeover which basically consisted of brushing out her “freakin’ poof” and removing her slut clothes.
Snooki spoke with Inside Edition about being ready, yet nervous, for a quick makeover. Snooki waaaahed, “I can’t even walk out of the house unless I put bronzer on. My hairstyle is called “the poof.” I’m actually 4′9″, but maybe 4′11″ with the poof!”
According to IE, “Celebrity hairstylist Francky L’official brushed out Snooki’s sky-high poof. Then, her heavy bronzer and dark eyeliner and shadow were replaced with much lighter neutrals and Us Weekly’s Fashion Director Sasha Charnin Morrison stripped off the “Jersey shore” and put Snooki in couture.”
Read More On: snooki from jersey shore
04
Buy the House Where Papouli Died!
They call me Papouli because Grandpa sounds so old! Oopa! I am tipping over my couch as we speak to find all the spare change I can get my hands on so that I can fulfil my pathetic life dream of owning the Full House house. Yes, my friends, the Full House house is for sale! According to recent reports that I surprisingly didn’t make up, the asking price is $4.1 million. Currently there is no word yet if the remains of Papouli are part of the sale, but one can assume. Also in question is Stephanie’s bee costume, Uncle Jesse’s original mullet, Michelle Tanner’s Greek cousin, DJ’s Paula Abdul posters, the sunglasses that Kimmy Gibbler bought the second DJ mentioned she wanted them, Uncle Joey’s “Mr Woodchuck,” or Danny’s dresser that was moved to cover the hole in the wall that DJ and Steph created whilst fighting. During the closing I’m hoping that DJ and Stephanie sing “Dad, dad, dad. He’s our dad. He’s so rad.” I mean, for $4.1 million I’ll make them sing it, by law.
Read More On: full house
